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Dr. Carol Fleming
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Playing the Game of Conversation
November 3, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
Managing graceful small talk appears to be a difficult challenge for many of us. Do take comfort in knowing that there are things to know and do that will be of enormous help in dealing with small talk.
One such tip is the concept of ‘turn taking’ in conversation. First let’s look at how this can go wrong:
- One person starts talking and never gives up the floor; a long story, a monologue ensues, requiring no interaction. This feels really good to the speaker and really boring to the listener.
- One person smiles and nods and asks more questions of the other (like the person above) but never really makes a contribution to the conversation. They are cheer-leaders, not players.
Two sides of the same coin, wouldn’t you say?
The solution: think of any conversation as having a format like ping-pong or tennis. There is a back-and-forthing to make a game actually happen. You hog the ball, there is no action. And there is no fun if you let every shot go by without a return.
So:
- Always strive to pass the ball (topic) to the other person by asking a question
- Avoid long stories
- Understand that putting your two cents in is a conversational obligation
- Treat other people attempts to converse with respect and encouragement
Back and forth it must go; it is an ”inter-action”.
Speak up, - but not too much!
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at [email protected]
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
How to handle male ‘banter’ as the only woman on my team
June 24, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
This question appeared in an on-line column, as follows:
Q: I’m the only woman in an otherwise male sales team. Lately, I’ve felt that some of my colleagues have been dismissive and patronizing towards me, but when I confronted them about it they said they were only joking and it was just “banter. Should I make a formal complaint or grin and bear it?
There were three answers submitted to this by three men:
- this reveals a dismissive attitude; you are perceived as a threat and should report it
- don’t report it; give it back and humiliate them
- this banter reveals acceptance; you are in on a shared joke
Do you wonder why this woman is confused? (What’s the matter?! Can’t you take a joke?) This is an extremely complicated communication situation and I warn you right now, there is no easy answer.
You must first try to determine if the person meant to be hurtful or playful. You probably can’t do this right away. I advise you to think like an anthropologist and observe the behavior for a while. This attitude will help you develop a tougher skin and to find an appropriate response. If you get offended by a remark meant to be a joke, that relationship becomes strained.
While you are making up your mind to decide if you should feel insulted,
- You can laugh and go along with the joke
- Give as good as you get
- Ignore it
When you have had enough evidence to think clearly, you may have to deal directly with the offensive person by saying “That kind of remark is inappropriate in the workplace”, and walk away.
For other kinds of social communication you might get Dr. Fleming’s The Serious Business of Small Talk.
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"It's The Way You Say It"
is the first comprehensive guide for speech and voice improvement. Click here to purchase Dr. Fleming's book from Amazon. Network With Me
