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Dr. Carol Fleming
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The Secret of a Good Speech
July 29, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
I received this thank you note from a client:
Dear Carol, Lovely accolades after my speech and I did want to send you a thank you note! To be able to present my thoughts in a way that pleased me was a very happy moment. Not a word was shared about the how and why of it, but you and I know! Sending best thoughts and warmest thanks to you! xxx ————————————
Of course it is always nice to get thank you notes. But did you get the part that my work with her was going to be our little secret? Some clients call me their ‘secret weapon’ and tell me that they don’t want to share how they got so good with others. The business woman in me regrets this lack of acknowledgement and referral, of course. But the therapist side understands their need to own the effective speaking as their own talent and achievement.
Which leads me to ask how many skilled presentations, powerful speeches and touching comments you have heard and just assumed were the result of that speaker’s natural abilities and efforts? Just talented, right? · What if you found out that they floundered and stuttered at the beginning just like you do? That they had been paralyzed with stage fright? ·
What if you knew that many of these great speakers sought professional help, received thoughtful guidance, worked very hard, and rehearsed? You might ask these speakers if they had a ‘secret weapon” in preparing their remarks. Or if they might be able to recommend a speaking coach so you can learn to be as good as they were. Be interesting?
Please don’t let your fear of public speaking stop you. Get help like many others do. Dr. Fleming can be contacted at telephone number 415.391 9179 or [email protected]
How to improve your verbal communication
May 20, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
When you want to improve any aspect of your speech there is one absolutely indispensable feature you must incorporate into your practice: other people. If you wanted to increase your vocabulary, of example, the stimulation of others will serve you better than time spent alone, agonizing over a list of words. As I wrote in my book (It’s the Way You Say It),
“When you spend time with different people of achievement and education, you will be exposed to words you don’t know; and you can learn these words just as a child learns them:
- by being exposed
- actively noticing and repeating them
- remembering the context of usage
- trying to use them.
As an adult you can ask speakers about the words they use that you don’t know. You probably think that people will look down on you for this, but not so. People will admire your desire to learn and your willingness to ask (and probably will be flattered to share their wisdom).”
Are you trying to improve your voice? Use store clerks and customer representatives in your initial practice. These are usually short and fairly anonymous contacts that should provide a safe place for you to practice actually usage.
Are you dealing with a foreign accent issue? Set a goal of one coffee break a day with people who speak only English. Many times the foreign born person seeks out the comfort of their fellow country men for social contacts, but this will only reinforce your original tongue.
Is public speaking the issue? By all means try to have another person in the room as you read or rehearse your remarks. Get used to people listening to you and, of course, they just might have some really valuable feed back for you.
Without the presence of other people verbal communication is artificial and hollow. Some privacy is needed at the initial stages of learning allowing you to focus deeply on mastering your behavioral change, but you don’t really start incorporating your learning until you are connecting with another human being. And isn’t that the point of it all?
The King’s Speech….and yours
January 3, 2011 by Admin · Leave a Comment
See that fine fellow above? Notice the epaulettes, the stripes and braid, the sword and medals. The dignity and confidence. Clearly, he is on top of his game. What could possibly ruffle him? I’ll tell you; speaking in public. King George VI was a stutterer. His concern about the stutter was debilitating and humiliating.
These are the two problems one has to deal with in any speech disorder. There is the actual speech problem itself, and then there is the array of feelings (misgivings, embarrassment, shame) that accompany it. Together, these two components can prevent many a person from
- adding their voice to the debate
- expressing their opinion
- seeking professional advancement
- speaking up for their rights
- singing in the great choir of life
Many, many people have concerns about the way they speak. People you know, like your buddy, your boss or the guy that fixes your appliances. If you hear something that draws attention to the way they talk you can be pretty sure that they will probably have some sensitive feelings about it. We want people to respond to what we say, not get distracted by how we say it.
There are trained professionals to help people in this situation – speech pathologists – who are in the best position to offer the best remedies available and that recognize and respect the feelings behind the speech.
There are people who believe that they are ‘stuck’ with their speech problem and don’t know that genuine help is available. Perhaps you are one such person. What a good New Year’s Resolution it would be to find yourself a speech pathologist and start working toward better speech.
The King did and so can you.
A Defense Against Stage Fright
You have to give a speech and you are already getting anxious. You are given the follow advice from some helpful person:
“Just picture your audience in their underwear.”
This is supposed to allay your personal intimidation by making your audience more psychologically vulnerable. They are in their undies and you have your pants on.
So, let’s give it a try. Take a good look at the picture above and see how safe and comfortable it makes you feel. And now imagine how real people would look in their underwear. (That should really scare you!)
Don’t you just want to say, “Oh for heaven’s sake, go put some clothes on!”
Can I suggest another approach? Think of your audience as people who have come to your party. They are your guests. You want them to be comfortable, to get something of value, and to have their need for information met. In other words, you should adopt a service attitude; “How can I help these people?”, “What do they need to know?” “How can I serve them?”
Focusing on their needs with a service attitude will take you out of the stage fright mode. Remember, public speaking is not about you. It’s about your audience. So give them the shirt off your back. It will make you feel a lot better.
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, or help you to overcome stage fright, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at [email protected]
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills. . To get your own copy, go to http://amzn.to/ItsTheWayYouSayIt
Speak! Four good reasons why you should give a speech
June 22, 2010 by Admin · Leave a Comment
- You find out what you are thinking/feeling when you have to find the words to express them. There are some people who really need to talk to discover what they are thinking. (Perhaps this is you; I know it is me). Sit in silence and your impressions are mush; vague, contradictory. Open your mouth and see what comes out!
- When you imagine your listeners, you must reconsider your words and sentences so that they are appropriate for the audience. What vocabulary level is best? Where should you begin? Your inner language becomes shaped for communication (to make common) with the listener in mind.
- Speak out and have a presence, be real, be a participant. If you think it doesn’t matter if you speak, what do you think others will think? They will likely not miss you. Find your 2 cents and put it in. What matters is that you have spoken up and made your presence felt. It reveals some self respect.
- You can make things happen, you can influence the course of events, you can prevent dreadful decisions from being made. Just by speaking out. Don’t be the bump on the log, be the speaker on the orange crate. People need leaders and spokesmen. Why not you? Speak!
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If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at [email protected]
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. A comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills.
Ten Commandments to Develop Finesse and Diplomacy at Meetings
June 3, 2010 by Admin · Leave a Comment
1. Turn off your phone and electronic devices so that you are fully present to the group. There is much to be learned through attentive listening and observation. You can arrange for hourly ‘recesses’ to attend to other pressing business.
2. Pause before you begin to speak. Collect your thoughts and discipline your tongue. Blurting and babble are way beneath your ability and status. Treat your own words as if they were valuable; gold coins, not theater pop-corn.
3. Anticipate probable objections and questions. To be caught by surprise or to be put on the defensive is uncomfortable and makes you lose your cool.
4. Start with the bottom line –the core message of your report – whenever you can. The more senior the audience, the more important it is to be mindful of their time and attention span. Don’t ever make them wait for you to get to the point. They may not.
5. Prepare a preliminary statement or story that demonstrates the background of your material so people understand the relevance of your information. Group members come from differing backgrounds and diverse interest and may need some help in getting properly oriented to understand your contribution.
6. Make an effort to be heard by the whole group. Speak out so that the person farther away can hear you. Since your voice goes where your eyes go, this means you should be making eye contact with these people.
7. Say, “I don’t know” when necessary and say what you will do to find out. Make no pretense to be a ‘know-it-all’. None of us do.
8. Be sensitive about any “Surprise Bombs” –unexpected news, good or bad – and give your superiors a heads-up. Their support will be valuable to you, and they really don’t want to be caught off guard?
9. Sit quietly and pay attention. Do not take assiduous notes or otherwise act like the secretary of the group. Be a fully invested participant. Don’t fiddle with your pencil, play with your pearls or look otherwise disengaged. Try to make some kind of contribution to the discussion.
10. Be respectful at all times. But watch out for ‘Nice” (too much smiling, nodding and deference). Your Leadership role is to assume authority and move the agenda. You will grow in finesse and diplomacy if you watch skilled group communicators deal with difficult situations and people (see #1 above).
If you want to learn more about how Dr. Fleming can help you improve your communication skills, please call her at telephone 415.391.9179 or send her an email at [email protected]
Carol Fleming, Ph.D., is the author of “It’s the Way You Say It”! Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken and Clear. Her book is a comprehensive guide to vocal development and improvement of communication skills, for people who want to learn how to speak better.
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"It's The Way You Say It"
is the first comprehensive guide for speech and voice improvement. Click here to purchase Dr. Fleming's book from Amazon. Network With Me
